I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
