Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
