You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
