I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
