i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
