Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The beer is more important than you right now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
