im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize