the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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