Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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