My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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