I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
