He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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