this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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