you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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