Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
