the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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