We're like a lot better than the average bears
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
