made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
