I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
