evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize