btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
