I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
