You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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