i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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