so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
