you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
