bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
