I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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