I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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