It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
