you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
