Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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