Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
