that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
