Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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