we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
