you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
