I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i drank out of a bidet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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