I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize