please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
