I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
