yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
