to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
