he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my poor anus
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
