I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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