I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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