the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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