This is not my ceiling
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
