he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize