I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
