Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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