this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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