he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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