youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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