mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
