I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
