If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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