there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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