my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
