i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
