i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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