well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize