So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
