He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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