dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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